Who is Listening
My biggest complaint about Chicago was the amount of external noise, particularly traffic/construction sounds, that distracted me from listening. While living in Bucktown, it seemed like the road construction would never end in front of my apartment; they just kept digging up the road, repaving, then digging it up again. I felt like my head would explode! Fast forward to a recent hike at the Huron-Manistee National Forests. It was a humid day because of some earlier rain, and without any bug spray, the air traffic of flies, mosquitos, and gnats around my head brought me back to my days in Chicago. CHICO's frustration gave rise to anger and eventually MATTHEW was almost running away from the buzzing as I cursed to myself. Can I not get a moments peace!?
Through the incessant buzzing, I hear the voices of Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry, authors of The Universe Story, reminding me that "Our human responsibility as one voice among so many throughout the universe is to develop our capacities to listen as incessantly as the hovering hydrogen atoms, as profoundly as our primal ancestors and their faithful descendants in today's indigenous peoples. The adventure of the universe depends upon our capacity to listen" (44). That's easy when there aren't all kinds of bugs flying around your head, ready to launch themselves into your eyes, ears, and nose without notice!...Perhaps there is a lesson in listening that CHICO is too distracted (and angry) to hear.
While in Bucktown, my plant collection grew tremendously, and on occasion, a gnat would appear from the soil and dance around my face. At first, MATTHEW crushed these pests---they were just being annoying, right? As I explored my relationship with nature, I stopped killing the gnats and instead began to listen. Since there is no gnat option on Google Translate, the message wasn't always clear until I began to listen more closely to what CHICO was saying during these moments. For example, one day I sat down to write a journal entry. When CHICO halted progress from delving deeper into the subject matter by becoming distracted by Grindr, the gnat appeared, flying in front of my face and the screen of the phone till I set it down and went back to work. Weird...About an hour later, I turned on the TV to put on some relaxing music but CHICO commandeered the controller to watch something that would demand my attention. Again, the gnat appeared; this time, buzzing around my head till I put down the controller and got back to writing. Perhaps it was nothing; I suppose I could ignore the gnat and classify it as an annoying pest. Yet, as Alan Downs, Ph.D., points out in The Velvet Rage, "When we are intolerant or critical of others' flaws, then we are shown no mercy for our own flaws" (171). It is time for me to open my ears and listen, even to those who get under my skin, if I expect any compassion in return.
When you really begin to listen, you hear a lot of pain and suffering that gives rise to anxiety, depression, and rage. With so much unrest regarding our bleak outlook, oppression increases as Animal nature takes over. At times, the things I long for---love, compassion, and hope---become secondary when CHICO feels its privilege and life is threatened. How do I listen effectively when the things I'm hearing cause my emotions to spike? Michael Berg whispers to me via The Way that "The true purpose of feeling others' pain is to inspire us to attend to our spiritual work, which includes taking physical action in the world to alleviate the human suffering" (129-130). Alright...I hear you...I need to stop internalizing the suffering and instead act on it even though I'm addicted to the pain.
It was while visiting a dear friend in Baltimore that I finally accepted Berg's buzzing. After hearing several stories of addiction and trauma, I returned to Chicago with the framework for my plan in place. I was going to leave the city to answer the call of the wild while simultaneously discovering my calling toward alleviating trauma. I learned that listening not only builds deeper bonds, enriches life, and elicits joy, it also gives me the opportunity to encourage hope and reduce pain, which I believe is in line with my destiny. Despite all the anxiety attributed to my life change, this trip served as an inspiration to keep pushing forward toward personal growth. I found that I was not isolated in my pain and suffering; moreover, I realized an opportunity to give selflessly.
What stands in the way of listening, then? It's the basis of every relationship, reinforced by my family, friends, teachers, and co-workers, yet somehow, CHICO still manages to focus MATTHEW on its limited, selfish perspective. CHICO talks back, talks over, talks behind...talk, talk talk...it's all that clown ever does, but I've been too busy shoeing it away recently to listen. What is it saying that it wants? Control. Whether dominating the conversation by offering unnecessary reflection or trying to manipulate discussion toward validation/recognition, that clown certainly has a way of turning listening into a selfish practice. Why do I feel the need to take control in conversation? Michael Berg whispers in my ear again: "One of our obstacles on our spiritual path, however, is the tendency to become judgmental about other people...If we accept that our understanding of the spiritual world is limited, it is foolish to imagine that we can see through the intricacies of the spiritual universe enough to penetrate the mysteries of other people's destinies" (131). CHICO believes it has the right/privilege to initiate changes in others because it casts judgment during conversation, so, in turn, MATTHEW fails to listen thoroughly and instead creates unrealistic expectations for those talking. This, of course, takes it toll on my ability to bond with others as love and joy are waved away and replaced with frustration and anger.
This is quite a dilemma, though, as my intent to give selflessly is driven by my desire to initiate change in others. What can I do? Berg for the hat trick: "our first responsibility should be not to judge but to lend assistance. A person in pain needs relief, not moral reflection...Often, the simple act of nonjudgmental listening is the best thing we can do for anyone. The whole purpose of spirituality is to become more conscious of the needs of others, more sympathetic, and more caring. So beware of the road that leads you in the other direction---toward judging others harshly" (132). This is an essential lesson that I will need to turn back to often, I'm sure, as CHICO learns to how to listen rather than judge. Let's get the process started by listening to your responses!
What distracts you from fully listening to the world around you? How do you silence or make peace with the distraction?
When you do listen, what do you hear? How do you react?
How were you taught to listen? Do you feel you are an effective listener?
All ears,
Who (?)
PS: Midway through writing this journal entry, I became distracted by my phone. Guess what appeared flying across the screen the moment I lost my focus? That's right, a gnat! This is the first gnat I have seen in my new room in Grand Rapids, and I have fewer plants with me. Are you listening now? :)