What is DNA of the Soul?
When I stepped onto campus at Grand Valley State University as a freshman, I thought I had this science versus religion thing all figured out. There I was, my schedule filled with classes to help me become a biomedical science major among the predominantly Christian conservative student body. I felt prepared. When I applied myself in school (like with homework or sexuality masc’ing), I knew I was capable of just about anything; more importantly, I could lead others to believe I knew what I was doing, despite how far that was from the truth. With religion, I knew if I held back what I truly felt, I could be “good” with God as demonstrated through my Lutheran upbringing. It seemed so logical: Hard Work + Silence = A Better Life. See, science and religion don’t have to be at odds!
Maybe if I wasn’t trying to force alcohol into the equation, it would have worked out. Ha! As it was, I began class on uneven footing, trying to balance a burgeoning social life with a demanding course load. My dedication to understand science plummeted. The work in my Advanced Chemistry course was beyond my comprehension, so I disengaged. Partying was prioritized, and as a result, my grades reflected my lack of effort. Year after year, I moved away from applying myself.
Meanwhile, my social life twisted and turned; I stressed about remaining hidden, closeted. I was afraid that if my secret came out, I would be rejected by those who accepted “me.” However, with alcohol fueling my silence, it was only a matter of time before my outrage was unleashed. Through my drunkenness, I realized this fury came from a very dark place, tied to the level of religious persecution I felt for who I was. Anyone who shared in their faith while I was within drinking distance was seen as my oppressor, and I reacted by confronting their beliefs slurringly. I lashed out at everyone: friends, family, lovers, and acquaintances; no one was safe. God wasn’t on my side, nor was science. Alcohol, as hurtful as it was to my relationships, was my savior.
It was New Year’s Eve 2007. College was coming to an end, and with my prospects of earning a Bachelor of Science degree dashed early on, I settled into the arts as an English major. I was too afraid to discuss my dwindling integrity in papers, though, so I focused on the expression of identity, soul in others’ works. I had a knack for BS (who would have thought?), but it was catching up to me in the presence of friends. I felt the tug at my soul whenever a lie left my lips, destined to paint a false perception of my reality. I couldn’t let them know! The reasons why clouded my head space. I had to keep the secret! Like many nights before, I held close to my BFF, booze, but that NYE took us out of our element. There we were, spinning around the dance floor as Str8 Bro Matt tried his best to make moves. Of those he made that night, these were the most successful: 1) Overindulging in the all-inclusive drink package, 2) Chasing into the bathroom to vomit several times, 3) Getting separated from friends while seeking a cab, 4) Finding his way into a police car and passing out, 5) Fighting and screaming when the cops are forced to pull sleeping MATTHEW out of their car, and 6) Spending the first morning of 2008 alone, confused, and enraged in a drunk tank.
I KNOW! There are few things I won’t bring to light here, particularly when it hangs on my soul. I can’t say this openness is hardwired in my DNA, though; my family wouldn’t dare divulge the level of detail I do. It’s like I’m from another planet…”Before time began, the infinite Light of the Creator was concealed in order to create a point of darkness, a space into which our universe could be born. The purpose was to build an arena where there was no Light and no order, where we could, through our own efforts of sharing and choosing good over evil, create our own spiritual Light” (63). Yehuda Berg and his well-timed advisement through The 72 Names of God always bring me back down to Earth, but his discussion of DNA of the Soul is open to interpretation. Which genes make up a soul? Is this similar to karma? How is our physical body related? Berg isn’t answering my pressing questions; instead, he’s allowing my imagination to run wild. Uh oh…subjectivity is dangerous ground when sorting out science and religion.
To be honest, I haven’t felt like dealing with this topic since the passing of our four-legged family member, Molly, in December. There’s a void in the house. Her excited shrieks before a morning stroll, silenced. Her sprawling naps on the sun-soaked floor, vanished. It’s like a piece of my heart is missing. Even though she was at “that age” and I knew our time left together was short, the bond I shared with Molly extended deep, more than science or religion could explain. At least, from my perspective. Fanatics will remember, in Sharing the Flame, I began doubting the Lutheran doctrine at a young age because of a Sunday school teacher’s assertion that dogs don’t have souls. When I was a kid, I battled this notion by watching All Dogs Go to Heaven ad nauseam, tearfully cheering at the end when Charlie awakens to his destiny and proves damnation wrong. Watching the cartoon now doesn’t have the same effect, unfortunately; I need something more concrete to pull me out of this lull.
Thanks to Google, I found an article on the American Institute of Vedic Studies website, titled “Karma, DNA of our Soul,” by Dr. David Frawley that linked everything back together: “Just as the body has its particular genetic code, the soul has its particular ‘karmic code’. The soul’s karmic code is based upon the life patterns it has created-the habits, tendencies, influences and desires it has set in motion over its many births. For the evolution of our species and for our own spiritual growth, we must consider both the genetic and karmic codes.” Geez, isn’t that what I’ve been doing?! It must look like I’m spinning around in circles as I play pin the soul on the jackass yet never hit my mark. OK, if I read between the lines, my life patterns—the habits, tendencies, influences, and desires that fill my life—need to be dissected and put under a microscope, like in the science classes I hated. Biomedical sciences…what was I thinking?! I guess it’s back to the lab.
I Can’t…
There are so many anecdotes I could have lead with to demonstrate the separation from my soul in place of the NYE 2007 arrest story. Tales of tragedy, reports of recklessness. Plenty already litter this site. Most involve lapses of integrity, triggering reactive responses from MATTHEW in the form of something destructive. For an individual who lived such a compartmentalized life before, it’s amazing I remained so consistently divided across dimensions of friends, family, and work; of course, this consistency was a mockery because I perceived integrity would do me more harm than good. Hard Work + Silence = A Better Life, remember? I can’t fight that logic; it’s part of my genetic code.
This is DNA of the Soul, though. When looking at the “Better Life” code under a microscope, I see its limiting just like science and religion when trying to decipher what the soul is made of; science wants me to believe the soul doesn’t exist while religion suggests a soul is only worthy through the eyes of a particular god, if its present at all. How should I piece this karmic code together, then? Frawley helps me connect: “Our soul is our underlying sense of self, which is the flame of awareness behind all our states of body and mind. The soul is the pure ‘I am’, the natural or spiritual self behind the ego or socially-conditioned self, which is like an artificial accretion built upon it. Within that ‘I am’ is the evolutionary power of all nature and the very vision of God.” In Soul Mate, I discussed WHO I am in relation to my soul: Fearless, Mature, Sensual, Joyful, Confident, and Peaceful (FMSJCP). Much like the four nitrogenous bases found in nucleotides (adenine, thymine, guanine, and cytosine), the bases of my soul attach to form my integrity.
I wrote that post in November 2018, accepting FMSJCP as my karmic code after dissecting my web of life. I even developed each base into a creative temple, providing me with a reference/reminder of WHO I can be when I’m aligned with my integrity. Proving (scientifically?) what one soul can do. Still, I can’t be all of those things, with all people, in all environments, all the time. It’s impossible! Looking at photos or reading inspiring words will only go so far when confronted by real life challenges that pull me from this underlying sense of self. Maybe I should quiet down and get back to real work. That all-too-familiar phrase—“I can’t”—hangs on me; the perceived limitations of my soul.
With DNA, the nitrogenous bases determine what biological factors are contained in a strand, like eye color; there is an order, a sequence, that makes it whole. Adjusting the lens on my karmic code, I see a pattern emerge as the bases join together. When I’m confronted by a threat to my integrity—a separation from my soul—I can respond fearlessly (F), choosing to address the challenge directly. Then, I can maturely (M) step beyond the looming doubt, mindful of my senses (S) as I travel along the path, whole-heartedly enjoying (J) each experience and confidently (C) moving toward an inner peace (P) that allows my integrity to shine, despite the obstacle. There you have it, my karmic code: FMSJCP = I (or, a better life). WHO can? I can!
I’m Sorry…
I already told you; I’m full of sh*t. I don’t think this would be a very compelling article if it ended there, as much as I wish it was true. Honestly, living a life with integrity is rough. That karmic code is a struggle to fulfill every moment of every day. Even with the pattern in the open, I still fall short of following through to the ideal endpoint. For example, let’s say I decide to confront a specific challenge, overcoming the pull of addiction by reconnecting with my body, laughing through whatever heartache might come. Then, my confidence hits a snag; I can no longer connect in the mirror, my eye contact drifts, and my posture tenses. Despite all the inner/outer work I did to arrive at that point, I suddenly feel like I’m back at the beginning of the pattern, forced to relearn how to live with integrity.
I’m sorry! This expectation to be a perfect version of myself—my soul—along with my overwhelming failure to do so is even worse than not knowing my karmic code. Maybe I’d be better off not knowing WHO I can be. Then, I can avoid having to apologize every time I don’t measure up to this standard. As it is, the awareness feels like more of a curse than a blessing, especially when I consider my future livelihood and capacity for integrity. Frawley cuts in without apologizing, “The universal principle is not survival of the fittest but survival of those who are most aware. Awareness at an inner level creates the capacity for adaptation at an outer level.” Stuffing my sorries in a sack, I turn back to the microscope and take a closer look at my karmic code. With DNA, each "rung" of the genetic ladder is made up of two nitrogenous bases; FMSJCP = I, on the other hand, is a progressive sequence. Narrowing in, I notice something interesting.
Linked to Fearless, Mature, Sensual, Joyful, Confident, and Peaceful is it’s (dis)respective inverse: fearful, immature, detached, enraged, insecure, and destructive. Those are the rungs of my karmic ladder. Gah! I need my gene splicer; I don’t want to fall victim to these dark sides of my soul. This needs to be perfect! For who, though? Well, that’s a good question. If I try to correct my karmic code by severing my soul from the fearfulness, immaturity, detachment, rage, insecurity, and destructiveness that help me balance and grow, I will apologize even more for my failed attempts of living this idealized integrity. I will never feel whole. Frawley’s insistence that I remain aware in order to survive forces me to observe my soul’s DNA closer than ever.
If/when my karmic ladders stall out before reaching the apex of integrity, the strands begin twisting in a sickeningly fast helix till they tear apart. This pattern occurs repeatedly as the DNA’s wholesomeness is challenged by different people, places, and things, particularly those that trigger negative reactions. As a result, repairing these strands requires conscious attention and meticulous care, often exceeding capacity. With the strands that cling together enough to reach some level of integrity, there is a stall. They sit there, waiting for the others to catch up. Just as I’m about to look away, my eyes catch something. I see that even if the ladder leans toward a less desirable end, there is an opportunity to choose a more balanced response on the next rung before it spins out. While it is increasingly difficult to shift perception completely, like transitioning from fully enraged to fully confident for example, it is possible to get my DNA helixing toward integrity even if my soul isn’t expressed perfectly in all moments. This will result in fewer strands being shredded, focusing more energy on the present versus the heartache of the past. Moreover, if I turn my attention toward expressing the brighter side of my soul, I can reframe my karmic code to spin in my favor: (Ff)(Mi)(Sd)(Je)(Ci)(Pd) = I. Sorry, not sorry, scientists and theologians.
I Know…
I’m ahead of schedule this time! I’ve grown more aware of my karmic code and observed how it aligns with my life patterns; I’ve accepted the bases of my soul. All I have to do now is watch the ladders of integrity rise up through different dimensions of my existence and make sure the DNA doesn’t spin out of control. Ah, but there are still some pressing issues. For one, Frawley mentions that the karmic code is “set in motion over its many births”; I’ve only focused on my current life cycle. How do I extend awareness to previous lives, especially if I’m just beginning to see my present life clearly? Furthermore, I haven’t found any evidence for the soulful connection I felt with Molly during her life. I’m sorry, but what can my soul even do? Frawley knows where I’m headed: “Our own human karma is part of the evolution of consciousness on the planet, not simply part of our own personal growth and development. Karma prods us to a greater sense of unity by making us responsible for all that we do both to ourselves and to others…The problem is that our culture does not believe in karma.” I knew it wouldn’t be that easy…
I’ve held tight to these bases of soul through my reacquaintance with societal norms after returning from my journey southwest in 2017. I knew myself, so I could venture into all environments and tackle any challenge even if my integrity wavered through the process. Most importantly, I arrived back here, to write, despite the looming voice that questioned my progress, motives, and destiny with every step. Even through the most divisive times, I realized the importance of remaining united, of being present in the emptiness rather than problem solve the past. I knew what I needed to do in order to be WHO I (re)discovered. Only one problem, made clear by Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s article, “What Do Buddhists Mean When They Talk About Emptiness?”: “As you master the emptiness mode more consistently, you see that this truth holds not only for such gross emotions as anger, but also for even the most subtle events in the realm of experience. This is the sense in which all things are empty. When you see this, you realize that labels of ‘I’ and ‘mine’ are inappropriate, unnecessary, and cause nothing but stress and pain. You can drop them. When you drop them totally, you discover a mode of experience that lies deeper still, one that’s totally free.” Sh*t…no wonder I still feel stuck. A quick word count of this article shows that 9% of my word choices hover around the unnecessary “me” (“I”: 135, “my”: 91, “me”: 14). Will my soul ever be free?! (92)
My #onlychildsyndrome is on full display once again. It looks like I was destined to spin out of control to disastrous conclusion because I can’t separate my “self” from the experience. Welp, so much for that experiment! Before leaving the lab forever, I peak into the microscope one last time. Lo and behold, a new sequence has emerged: a faithful (F) core prepares consciousness to embark on an enterprise (E) of passionate (P) resolve and philanthropic (P) endeavor toward a virtuous (V) universe brimming with enlightened (E) souls. Of course, each of these bases has a counterpart: erratic, helpless, careless, vindictive, manipulative, and ignorant. Is this part of my karmic code? As if he knew, Frawley fills in the blanks: “The truly enlightened or Self-realized individual brings higher forces to the Earth from the power of his or her liberated consciousness. Such individual enlightenment, however, is not the enlightenment of the separate self—which is a contradiction in terms—but that of the soul, our universal being which is inherently one with all…We must respond to the evolutionary message of our karma, which is to take responsibility for our world and look upon all creatures as our own Self.” I see now that the (Fe)(Eh)(Pc)(Pv)(Vm)(Ei) = Soul code applies for all, including my recently deceased pup. Everything plays its part in the universe. And it is all balanced by this code.
Then, I notice how the karmic ladder for integrity interweaves with the Soul code to create a 4-dimensional model; one that, when we respond, lifts us to greater heights of consciousness:
[(Ff)X(Fe)][(Mi)X(Eh)][(Sd)X(Pc)][(Je)X(Pv)][(Ci)X(Vm)][(Pd)X(Ei)] = Soulful Integrity
There you have it: the karmic code.
4WB: Perhaps this looks like a bunch of nonsense to you. If you’re still reading, you lasted longer than I did in high school physics :) The point of this exercise is not to begin and end with “nothing.” Rather, it is to illustrate a clouded mind, one obsessed with living a better life. One that goes through cycles of “I can’t…”, “I’m sorry…” and “I know…” daily. When left to its own devices, it can become monstrous, contributing to the “collective karmic crises” Frawley refers to in his article. By becoming aware of the patterns, recognizing the opportunity to grow, and bringing these stories to life for others, we loosen our attachment to negative energy and emotions. We remove stress and strain from the universe. We discover the infinite connections of our collective soul. And this is how we create our own spiritual light, one that will benefit all, forever.