What is Power of Prosperity?
After graduating college in 2008 with a Bachelor's degree in English, I entered the working world prepared to use my academically enriched (albeit inauthentic) voice. Sure, I had NO idea what I wanted to do yet, but there seemed to be endless possibilities when considering how it could play out. I began the application process in several industries---marketing, administration, human resources, etc.---but failed to hear a word back. Some friends found their path right away, making conversations all the more difficult as I was forced to consider how my life wasn't measuring up. I held my voice in because I was ashamed and disheartened, which lead to greater separation from those I trusted. Time proceeded on and opportunity waned. Success moved further away from my future landscape, and hopelessness set in while I worked as a temp fulfilling menial, tedious jobs just to make money for some semblance of a lifestyle (an inauthentic one at that). I felt powerless: my voice was seldom heard, decisions were made around me, and my destiny was in the hands of others. Superiors, those who had risen to the top of the prosperity ladder, were the ones with the most powerful voices, regardless of how they chose to use them.
If you read Confident, you got a glimpse of my experience on the other side of the equation. Suddenly, I had a voice and was able to use it; a title and was able to leverage it; a salary and was able to expend it. I felt powerful; I was, in a very small sense, powerful as my input and efforts were used to impact thousands of people. Whereas before my future outlook was bleak, opportunity seemed to be around every corner; however, it wasn't all spotlight and glory. I was competing for more control, recognition, and...well...power. Though it still wasn't authentic, I wanted my voice to be heard by those who talked over me, and I grew resentful and enraged when it wasn't. Trust dissolved further as I focused on my sole path to the top of the prosperity ladder, and while I didn't intend to be malicious with the power I acquired along the way, I did alter the trajectories of others, not always in a positive way. It's lonely at the top, as they say, and though I was just starting my climb up, I felt the isolation growing each step of the way. Does power always result in separation in the end, then? Is that the ultimate price we pay? I had to make a choice: continue pursuing power that gave me more voice (though admittedly inauthentic and guarded) or unabashedly evaluate what that voice was saying, jeopardizing the power I had obtained.
When The Power of Prosperity was revealed through The Name Game, it took me a while to determine if the same voice that was buried under layers of fear (the one chronicled in This is Why...) actually felt powerful. YES! I wanted to shout but my belief moved further out of reach when I sat down to write about it. This is why we can't have nice things...like deadlines (Note: not an upcoming entry). It felt a bit like what Yehuda Berg describes in The 72 Names of God, saying "If fortunes are continually won and lost in your life; if you find yourself on a financial roller coaster; if wealth has been gained at the expense of loving relationships or good health; or if you're just plain broke or short of cash..." (138). I mean, I am an English major...finance was never my thing. Certainly, I came to develop a respect for all things numbers, but when it came to "power," the most prosperous, in my mind, were those who were able to express themselves openly and be heard. I felt the most powerful within my authentic voice at the end of my trip, but then I began to question how it aligned with prosperity when I returned home. If I couldn't maintain a steady financial situation, audience, or sense of belief, was I failing to climb the ladder? Did that make my words---my voice---powerless?
Prosperity and Money
Credit: Song performed by The O'Jays
It's no surprise that those who earn the most money typically are granted the most power. A quick Google search for "richest people" brings up lists of global leaders whose voices often direct us toward our own dreams of prosperity. For example, in the words of Warren Buffet ($84.1 billion net worth), "Rule No. 1: Never lose money. Rule No. 2: Never forget rule No.1." Again, finance is NOT my thing, so it should come as no surprise that when my salary jumped, I wasn't sure what to do exactly. Suddenly, I had money, but I splurged on unnecessary, wasteful things. Is that what Buffet means by "lose"? In hindsight, if I was smarter, I would have invested the money I was spending on sugar, alcohol, masculinity, and distraction into something worthwhile. If I had a penny for every time I spent $17 on delivery fees for cupcakes, cookies, and pies...oh, wait...The money didn't seem to bring me the same security, control, or power that I was originally expecting; the careless spending was a symptom of me trying to hide my authentic voice in the growing spotlight. Perhaps my power would have been sustained if I had saved more money, but it didn't feel like mine necessarily when I had it. Yes, I was putting in the hours and feeling the stress, but I was still lacking soulful integrity. I felt prosperous but it was based on my inflated ego; the money enabled my fear and gave the evil clown control.
I wonder...would Warren Buffet be on anyone's radar if he didn't have a fortune? Does his power of prosperity exist beyond his finances? When I left my job and saw my money evaporate throughout my journey, powerless took on new meaning. I remember screaming on the phone at a credit card representative after a faulty, recurring charge from Lyft kept showing up on my statements all while driving through the magnificence of Carson National Forest in New Mexico. I was losing my mind on my money and my money on my mind as I considered my prosperity and how I was destroying it. Berg makes an investment into my spiritual well-being, saying "When you want to achieve real success---success without those nasty side effects---you must recognize that all good fortune originates from the Light of the Creator. If you believe that you're the sole architect of your success, the actual creator of your prosperity, you're worshipping ego and disregarding the power of the Light" (139). Berg's right...upon returning home, the power I felt within was immense thanks to the connection I made to the light, but without the fame and/or fortune, I grew more insecure about my prosperity, leading me back to the rickety ladder that I had previously abandoned. Did I need to go back to Buffet's rule book and begin saving again so I could reestablish my voice, this time in an authentic way, or was the money going to drive my ego up the ladder to even more terrifyingly guarded heights?
Prosperity and Audience
Credit: Video from Maysaa Pooters on YouTube; Song performed by Emeli Sande for Virgin Records.
In effort to answer these pressing questions, I turned to my passion: writing. Unlike before, when I would have buried my vulnerabilities and fears, I took a risk by divulging it all. The power within lead me forward on my CHICO defamation, pointing to my goal---integrity---in the distance, but my path to prosperity was obscured when I shared my path and few followed. "I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to act," I'm told by Bill Gates ($94 billion net worth). Gates' words are boosted by more than 45 million followers alone on Twitter; my measly 90 followers pale in comparison, making his voice more powerful than mine despite the power I feel within. Jealousy rears its ugly head, and the prosperity ladder seems like the only option toward raising my voice; then, I see a glaring issue in my self-assessment: my power of prosperity cannot be based on external forces, such as money or follower count, or else I run the risk of feeling powerless if/when these sources ever change, much like how I felt returning home. But the question is asked: does it even make a difference to express my voice and share my vulnerabilities/fears with a disengaged audience? If I recognize that my power of prosperity isn't dependent on likes and retweets, why am I doing this at all?
I certainly don't write for money nor would I say that I write for prestige; however, I do admit that it hurts my heart when the extensive work I put into a piece has minimal impact. I question if I'm utilizing my voice in the right way or if I'm making a mistake with each article share. This is the expression of my journey, after all, which renders it both inaccessible and powerless in the eyes of my limited audience, right? Before I shut it down, though, I'm reminded of the Dalai Lama's empowering words: "If you expect a better world to come about from money, to come about from science, to come about from technology, that's wrong. If you really want a better world, a happier world, it ultimately depends on this, our hearts." Web Unspun is an extension of my heart. It's a combination of the joy, happiness, integrity, fear, rage, and shame I experience, which helps me spin the web that creates a more powerful WHO (Whole-hearted, Harmonious Organism) within. The heartbreak I feel when I don't have floods of people visit the site shines a light on where my locus of control is situated, allowing me to step away from the prosperity ladder and channel love, compassion, hope, and faith instead. But am I prepared to shout "I AM POWERFUL!" from well below the rooftops?
Prosperity and Self belief
Credit: Song performed by Tinie Tempah for Parlophone.
It's taken me over two weeks to put this post together because powerlessness has prevailed, stealing away my creative expression, passion, and self-belief in the process. In the midst of all this inner turmoil, I was following a prestigious, powerful individual I actually do respect and admire deeply: Roger Federer ($420 million net worth). If you're not aware of who this is, ESPN's Peter Keating (a Senior Writer) just ranked Federer as #5 in a listing of the 20 Most Dominant Athletes of the past 20 years. Accolades abound for this historic athlete who is still competing at the highest level despite every potential barrier. Yet, just a week after being hailed as one of the greatest athletes, another ESPN Senior Writer, Bonnie D. Ford, reported on Federer's recent failures to produce his best tennis. In the article, she quotes Federer saying, "'I deserve it after this match...That's how I feel. Just so bad.'" Say what?! How can one man's lifetime of achievements be nearly forgotten in the wake of a bad day? "We're judging numbers here, not characters" Keating answers back, in response to why Barry Bonds ($80 million net worth) was included as #17 despite documented accounts of steroid usage during his prominence (reported by, you guessed it...ESPN). How well can I stand up to the numbers if even those I admire are tarnished by their minor missteps?
To answer this question, I turn to Federer for some guidance: "I've always been aware that the image you patiently construct for an entire career can be ruined in a minute. It scares you a bit, but that's the way things are." Hm...not necessarily the warm, fuzzy quote that elicits a lot of hope for the future or encourages a specific course of action. What is it about Federer that I am particularly drawn to, then? Of course, his trophy case, prize money, and sponsorship deals are a testament to his physical prowess, perseverance, and keen business sense, but it's something more than the numbers that catches me by the heart...oh wait, that's it. His heart. I see his joy, happiness, integrity, fear, rage, and shame unfold on and off the tennis court. Even in defeat, there is triumph. Even in disappointment, there is inspiration. Accordingly, his words take on new meaning: the more you build up your ego, the more fragile it becomes; if you listen to your heart, you will overcome adversity and uncertainty. Ok...maybe my paraphrase is overreaching there, but Federer even has the numbers to prove he is a genuine leader. He won the ATPWorldTour.com Fan Favorite award every year since 2003 as well as the Stefan Edberg Sportsmanship award, which is voted by the ATP players, 13 of the last 14 years.
So what's my point...that Federer is more prosperous than Warren Buffet? that I'm as powerful as Federer? that you should listen to me so I'm not forced to climb back up that blasted ladder? No...my point is to turn to you, my trusted reader, and thank you for sharing in this experience of soul expression with me. The power of our authenticity is tested on a regular basis, and when our prosperity is on the line, it can cause a lot of anxiety, resentment, and rage. Sometimes, we feel too powerless to say or do anything; however, when we connect to the light, we reveal the passion that gives us inner power. When we share our voices and hearts with those around us, we invest in greater love and prosperity. Sure, I can't say that any of us will be as successful as Federer within our lifetimes, but it's not about climbing the ladder and standing alone at the top. It is about accepting and trusting the power within our hearts so we can come together, take action in our own powerful ways, and support one another throughout, prosperity or not. I so appreciate the strength you have imparted as I've faced my biggest fears, and I'm excited to delve into the complexity of our webs further to reveal how our destinies thread together. We are powerful in our shared prosperity!