Who is Joyful/Joyous
I mentioned in (Proud) Gay Male that I felt an "exhilarating sensation of joy" when the Pride crowd saw beyond MATTHEW's shell. Ever notice how judges on food competitions have to (over)describe what they're tasting so the viewer "tastes" the food at home? Similarly, I intend to explore and detail the sensations that evoke my understanding of these complex emotions, and I'm interested in reading your experiences to give me further perspective. As suggested by Alan Downs, Ph.D., in The Velvet Rage, "Since the key to passion is hidden in joy, it's necessary to understand something about the primary emotion of joy...Most commonly, it is described as the feeling of painless, lightness within the body...joy tends to be a quick spike in our emotional field, much like an orgasm of the soul. It builds to a quick climax then just as quickly fades away" (157).
I've made a habit each morning of walking to a nearby park early for meditation. Over time, I incorporated repeating my belief statements audibly while facing the sun. Soon, CHICO was completely exposed and forced to retreat, allowing me access to that "lightness" Downs describes as I let go of negativity. It was just this week, though, I realized this sensation was "joy," and I immediately tried putting it into practice by silencing CHICO and focusing on this elevated feeling that brought my soul to the surface.
Unfortunately, tragedy struck. A horrific event took the life of a Chicago House client, causing me to question how to prolong joy in the presence of so much pain and suffering. The answer was right in front of me. During my morning routine, I bring The Way with me. Though I have completed reading it, I will open the book to a random page and reread what I underlined and wrote. This practice has been illuminating; however, I have struggled to thread the web of words these past few days. When pieced together, here is the "response" I received to my questions surrounding joy:
"Charity should play a part in your life every day" (160); "In fact, the benefits of giving are perhaps even greater when we have little: Sharing is an opportunity to experience a consciousness of wealth and magnanimity, rather than poverty and scarcity" (161); "After all, receiving for ourselves is our primary tendency---and the sharing doesn't always provide the same rush of immediate gratification" (68); "We must make a determined effort to hear the truth over the noise and negativity that pervade our world" (68); "If we lived in a world where the effects of negative action were immediately manifested as pain and suffering, the element of choice would disappear from our lives" (81).
Perhaps your reading and/or your experience with joy is different, but this series of ideas suggests that my joy is based on my ability to be selfless. Easy! I'll just send a donation to..wait. I've done that before, and I wouldn't necessarily say that the "Confirmation Receipt" brings me a lot of joy. Even though I know how important money is toward funding nonprofits, giving money can't be the only way to achieve selflessness. Let me turn back to Downs to understand the foundation for creating and sustaining joy: "Make yourself vulnerable to joy; notice when you feel joy; repeat the behaviors that create joy" (160).
Of course! CHICO's "joy" was based on validation and immediate gratification, which increased my selfishness, pain, and isolation. By making myself vulnerable to and aware of joy, I find a more selfless path ahead. Downs continues, "in the discovery of his passion, he pursues an activity not because others approve of it, but because it brings him intrinsic joy...Of course, joy and validation are not always opposed to each other, and often occur simultaneously...The key difference, however, is that the pursuit of joy is the primary objective, and validation comes only as a secondary benefit" (160-162). This is an important distinction as CHICO relies on validation to experience joy. If I practice my passion selflessly, I should feel more intrinsic joy or that rush of lightness.
What brings me joy then? Downs suggests using a diary to navigate, but I suppose this space is as good as any: writing, laughter, close bonds, volunteerism, deep conversation, imagination, natural exploration, intimacy, observing life...to be continued.
What brings you joy?
How do you sustain it?
Have you recognized any of your joyful feelings to be selfish?
Joyful, joyful I adore thee,
Who (?)